Nealy 2 weeks in to my new parenting regime, and here is the update.
When I installed this new program into our lives I kept telling my kids that I would explain everything, in our family meeting. I am yet to have this family meeting, because Daddy-o is never home at a normal time! But it is not his fault. But I have to say that art of the whole problem is that both parents have to be on board, and in agreement.
So all I kept doing was punishing, and taking away privileges, and it did work. But I did feel very unhappy about acting like that, and then having my kids miserable, and a little robot-like for fear of a punishment. All the while I knew I would find a way that this would work for me, because especially with my oldest and third child, they need very defined borders, or else they push the envelope as far as they can. And since my third child is only 2 years old, I need to get the message across to her now.
My friends mentioned that they work on a point system. I have always done charts with Mic, and I find it to be very effective. Points are better though, because they could be removed or earned. So I have drawn up a chart of behaviors, household chores, shabbos etc. So now I have adapted my newfound control, into more of a choice for my kids.
“Behave like this and you can gain two points, or do the opposite and you lose points – it is your choice.”
Sassy has almost 80% learnt to control her whining – and that is BIG! And Mic has 90% curbed her chutzpah and temper – – that is even HUGER Little Miss G – well she is still a work in progress, but she has 95% stopped spitting at people – which is a very huge deal too!
So – to those people who have asked “me” (as if!) for advice – this is it, and for those others of you who have disagreed with the very strict, kids can’t breathe without permission approach. here is my compromise, and my level of comfort.
I still have zero tolerance for whining and chutzpah, except now they lose their points, and they go quickly! I also gave them the option. I said’ ” That was chutzpah – you cannot talk to mommy like that. Would you like to lose points or privilege?” ( privilege being going to the park, or bike riding, TV, treat etc). The best part, is that I very rarely have to raise my voice. So I am far less stressed. I think this is working. It is still ver early days, but so far they have been a lot more pleasant than they were.
Please click on the link below and you will find my lists. I have adapted them according to what our needs are. You can change them according to your family requirements.
I posted these rules onto my pin board in the kitchen, and then printed out a weekly score sheet for each child. This is what it looks like: