I had a brain wave for an Arts and Crafts activity with my kids.
Buy spray paint, buy different pasta shapes. Spray paint pasta shapes.
Spray paint a wooden tray and decorate.
Sounds good – right?
So after a long day of schlepping, I arrived home, prepared dinner. I then put my kids into paint smocks, and I quickly changed into painting clothes, and off we went onto the balcony to start the project.
I put the baby in her bouncy chair, just by the window, so that she could watch us, and not feel alone. The other three girls were outside with me, watching as I showed them how to spray paint. We had a little bit of fun, but then control freak mommy took over, because – really what the hell was I thinking? Spray paint is very toxic! And the fumes were everywhere. Anyway – I sprayed what I needed to spray – with Mic. She was very into it with me.
Sass and Miss G lost interest because we were doing all the spraying. So they went inside.
Mic and I were so engrossed, that when we turned around we saw the glass sliding door was closed.
Mic looked at me, and I said to her, reassuringly, ” Don’t worry, She can’t lock it ( meaning Gav- my 2 yr old), besides Sassy is inside ( my 4 yr old)”.
Famous last words.
She locked us out. Did I mention we live on the 6th floor of a condominium?
Mic and I start laughing, and call for Sassy to come open the door. She comes and tries to open it. On my doors there is a red dot and a green dot, red means locked, green means open.
” Is the dot red or green?” I yell through my sound-proof, double-paned, reflective glass window.
” Red.” She says
” So just slide it up darling.”
obviously this was not so simple to my 4 yr old. How could I have never shown her how to open and lock this door? A little too late now!
After about 5 minutes of me trying to explain it to her, she got completely frustrated and began wailing, which in turn set of the 2 yr old, who was now squished against the glass window yelling ” mommy come in, mommy come in!”. And this in turn made the baby – who was already hungry by now, begin to wail – something she does very rarely!
I sat down and laughed. What else could I do? This shall be over soon, Sugar Daddy ( well that is what I have to call him on the Sweet life of Candy!) will be home tonight, at some point, this I am sure.
Ok – plan B.
“Sassy go call Daddy on the phone!”
Her face lit up at this sense of responsibility. Off she ran.
After about 6 minutes I said to Mic, ” Where is Sassy?”
A few minutes later she returned in tears ” I called Daddy and he is not answering!”
She picked up the receiver and dialled whatever number she thought was daddy – Why he did not answer – I have no idea.
I now had to calm down my hysterical child. At this point Mic was outside, also hysterical – but laughing – this only exasperated matters! I told her to get the portable and I would tell her what to dial.
” 314 – 89..”
” Which one is the 8 mommy? This one? ”
And she pushed ‘6’.
” No darling – the one next to ‘7’. Now start again, push end so we can make a new phone call.”
“No END. The little grey circle. On top, Next to talk.”
And her little finger points to the ‘0’.
This went on for a few more minutes. No Luck. At this point I saw that Little miss G had gotten a huge bag of cherries out the fridge, and sat her self down to eat them. 2 Problems over here
a) she has had diarrhea for 3 days! Cherries are going to do her no good
b) She has no idea that she cannot eat pits! it is the first time this season that I bought cherries! She does not know what to do.
I panic for the first time.
“SASSSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Get those cherries out of her hand!!”
Sassy, who now looks like she is melting in her pink, plastic princess smock that she can’t take off because it has velcro in the back, is clearly in panic mode, crying. My yelling did not help. She looked at me helplessly, and went to go lie down on the couch – to SLEEP.
” No – don’t sleep NOW! I need you! You are doing so well my baby – try the door again!”
Baby now very definitely yelling her head off!
“OK Sass – leave the door – kiss the baby. Tell her it is OK.”
With that she picks the wailing baby up, whom she can hardly lift, and of course she yells even more. Now I am sweating.
” Mic check if you see any neighbors – anywhere!”
She spotted some – horizontally to our right, about 4 apartments down, eating a peaceful dinner on their balcony. I could see them through an 8″ slat.
“Excusez-moi! Excusez -Moi!”
First they ignore me, because why should they speak to the mad woman in filthy clothes flaying her hands all over?
Eventually they realize I am talking to them, and the lean in a little closer
“My kids locked me out, I’m stuck on the balcony, and my baby is crying!”
They look at me blankly.
S#%T!! They only speak French!
” Mes enfants ferme la porte! Mon bebe pleur!”
They don’t say a word, just nod, as if this is a daily occurence and they know exactly what to do!
With that vote of confidence – I run back to the window ‘Sass- when you hear the door, run and open it – it is the neighbors!”
She smiled and ran to the front door. Of course the glass is reflective – so you can only see about 10 cm into the room. She disappeared again. 2yr old now hysterical and can’t understand why i wont open the door for her!
Finally she comes running back
“Mommy there is no-one at the door!”
‘What? that was a good 7 minutes!’
I peek through the slat again. they see me and once agin give me the all-knowing-reassuring look.
Then he came! The knight in shining armour – THE DOORMAN!
My lovely neighbors obviously called him, he has master-key, and In he came to open the door.
Thank G-d. All’s well that ends well, and I did have quite a laugh!