let’s be blatantly honest

Yes I am using this blog as a sounding board. I am venting, throwing out my dirty laundry, in the hope that i can collect my thoughts and abate my anger, instead of exploding on my dear, darling husband!

So people, I am reading this new book called “Women’s Wisdom”, by Rabbi Shalom Arush. He would probably reel at this exposition of female fury. Anyway, somewhere in the book he says that marriage is more difficult that the splitting of the red Sea!! I can believe it!! he also says to have no ego, and always be the one to give in. Never contradict one’s husband, no matter how wonderful or how terrible they are. That is what was determined for you, and live with it, and pray for a turn around in circumstances.

Truly i am doing it no justice. the book is actually excellent and very insightful. i am just having a problem with feeling a little exhausted, mentally frazzled, physically burnt out, and wholly unappreciated!

I look at my friends husbands – rather I “looked”, because now after reading the book that would no longer be appropriate! It “seemed” that they compliment their wives, expound on all that they do, and stop short of licking the ground their wives walk on. Perhaps that is just my own warped perception.

Really, I do have a wonderful husband. I just want to shake him! He is oblivious to what I do, and focuses on what I don’t do. Not that he is mean, mind you, he isn’t.  He just is not too attentive in any way good or bad. maybe that is better than someone who is too picky, too demanding, too finicky. I  could not deal with that. Just sometimes it would be nice to hear a freaking compliment, receive a rose, or a “hi honey, I thought of you today here is an x, y, or z”. Not that I need the gifts, I don’t. I need the thought.

Anyway – I bought him the men’s version of the book. Now… how the heck  do i get him to read it?  But hopefully if we are both reading it, and both putting our ego’s aside, then perhaps we will have true marital bliss! If such a thing actually exists!

Husbands out there, who are reading this – do yourself, your marriage and your wives a favour – appreciate her! you will be a very happy man.





5 thoughts on “let’s be blatantly honest”

  1. OK. I may start my own little Earl support group facebook page. I love your writing and I hope it provides you with entertainement too. A little insight though……
    You mention your husband’s only focusing on/noticing what you didn’t do etc. rather then focusing on what you do.
    As a religous reader of your posts and someone who has the pleasure of hearing you complain in person as well, this may be a quality you 2 share. In my (our)circles standards of living, your lifestyle is overloaded with luxery, riches, conveniences, help, etc. that alot of people would kill for. Yet, your posts and personal conversations are loaded with complaints, kvetching and general feelings of unhappiness with your situation. I can list 10 women you know who live ‘down’ the hill from you, who have twice the amount of children, half the living space, a small fraction of your capital worth, half the help, less attractive husbands and a lot more work then you. You know them.
    I don’t mean to discourage you from entertaining all of us with your creative writing/venting, but this post called for a long overdue comment to put things in perspective.
    Only with love.


    1. Shmaya you are right. But all is relative, and some days, months weeks are better than others. I think I am just very lonely here. Although I have a ton of ‘friends’, I really have no-one – or that is how I feel. maybe feeling sorry for myself, but this is where i am at today. And with my husband never home, i think why am I here, I may as well be living somewhere, near my family, so that is hubby ain’t around, at least I have what to do and where to go. but Have been doing a lot of thinking today, and am going to make some major changes, because i cannot stay here and do nothing all day long while my kids drive me bonkers! I will keep u posted. I will from thios day forward, focus on ALL that I have, which I thank G-d for, and do see, and will stop focusing on what I don’t have. So watch this space!


      1. Bless you Candy. We all love you and I know how things can get sometimes. I am also very familiar with the uniqueness of your husband and children. Everyone is different.
        That being said, consider the following; Shulamis is living on Barclay, with 1 small bathroom etc. practically no cleaning help or anyone to watch her kids. ever. All to live within 5 blocks of her unemployed husband’s parents?!
        We once had a long conversation, way before we moved here. It was all about working with what you have and accepting your situation.
        I’m all for changes. I made huge changes recently. Mental, financial, family and physical changes. We should talk for sure.


        1. You see, I view you, as one of those husbands that is completely besotted with his wife. i think you treat her iincredibly. I honestly do not know how she does it, but there are variables at play, such as how one was brought up etc etc. Yes looking forward to the talk…


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