We have to learn that whatever we do – WILL come back and bite us in one form or another. It may be immediate, it may take years. I almost prefer the immediate retaliation, because I can label it – and realize why something bad just happened.
Point in case:
Friday afternoon I picked Mic up from school. En route to getting Little Miss G, we stopped at the local grocer to pick up last-minute things for Shabbos. Once in there, I was hoodwinked into buying a little treat – a bag of kliks ( mini-chocolates in a bag, I would say there are at least 40 mini chocs, little but bigger that chocolate chips.) I put on my most authoritative voice and said that they are to last the whole day and the next. Promises were made. We left the store smiling.
Not 10 minutes later we arrived at Little Miss G’s school. I looked over to my right, and saw that my darling daughter had continuously munched 3/4 of the packet. Of course I then launched into a full-throttle tirade ” How could you… Don’t you know better…Supposed to last you a day…” And so it steamrolled into a 3 minute discourse. The red-in-the-face, vein-popping-out-of-neck kind of ‘chat’.
Poor child had nothing to say. Why the hell did I buy them in the first place?
We picked up G, and got home, all the while wafts of smoke were still escaping from my ears every 5 minutes or so. We got in and Mic, who was holding my ipod, put it down on the entrance table in order to take off her jacket. What do you know? The ipod fell and landed with a rather loud “kerplunk”.
She looked at me with abject fear, and quickly picked it up. Phew – no shards of glass dropping. The she switched it on and her little jaw dropped in horror. A crack had appeared the whole length of the ipod. But it still worked.
I looked at her and just told her that she better go away – fast.
And then it slapped me in the face. My life lesson then and there. Not half an hour before, I berated my child and destroyed her self-image. All because I put a stumbling block before her and bought her the chocolates!
What could I expect from an 8-yr old? A wise friend of mine once told me an analogy. She said when we scream at our kids, it is almost as if we have cracked a most precious vase, both fragile and beautiful.
I got the message. It was not a random act. The ipod fell and cracked to teach ME a lesson. It was directed at me. It was not my daughter that dropped the ipod. She was just the conduit. Just as I had made a rupture in her soul, this was measure for measure.
I went to my little girl, her big eyes looked up at me with dread and angst.
” I am sorry Mic.” I said
“What? you are not going to say anything?” She asked me in disbelief.
” I think I cracked your glass first.”