Firstly I would like to thank all those of you who have inquired as to what happened to my blog. I suppose I did the unthinkable in blogland. I took some time off. I know the rules. Always something new. Always something fresh. Well, truth is ( besides my computer having been back in apple store for repairs AGAIN) I have not felt all that fresh, new and exciting.
Actually quite the opposite.
I felt quite staid and repetitive, and wondering if I should spare my online followers with the daily grind of my life, or do I kvetch and moan – again? I chose the former and spared you all my emotional misery for a while.
I will catch you up a bit though. My business idea, as it turns out, may not quite come into fruition. Although I so badly would like a profession, and money and all the allure work has to offer, I was still racked with guilt. Perhaps my friends can do it, and keep a healthy balance. I on the other hand cannot find that balance. I fell like it would take an immense amount of time away from my kids. So I have to come to terms with the fact that I have to be satisfied with being MOM. And, now I am. I know this sounds quite silly. But it took a friend of mine to point out (A.D. – you know who you are LOL!) in a very matter of fact way – I know she meant absolutely no harm. But she did mention that since meeting me 8 years ago, I still am the same, having all these huge big ideas, and not following through! That was a huge wake up call for me. Here I have spent a good part of 8 years worrying about what I am going to do. Wasting countless hours on-line, researching, doing, finding, brainstorming. many , many late nights. All in the name of what? Starting something – which I never started. So – hopefully now it is not too late. I see how fast 8 years have passed. For a while I am sitting tight. I am going to take pride in the fact that I CAN stay home. That I do have the luxury of being with my kids. Why the office and work and phone calls seems so much more appealing – I have no idea. But my purpose here is to mould my babies and make sure they turn out to be the very best they can be. That I can turn around and say that I provided them with all the tools they need for life.
If one has to work – well that is a whole different story. And believe me, I am not averse to making some money on the side, and doing things from home to possibly assuage that side of me. But instead of planning all these business, I need to channel my energies in to planning my girls. Planning activities for them, and me, to enjoy.
Forgive me if I sound like a ver iexpereinced mother of her first newborn baby. Perhaps sometimes we think that we know exactly what we need. However, I have hit my head against a brick wall now for 8 years. I finally got the message. I CAN be a stay-at-home mom – and not feel guilty!